Saying Goodbye to a Dog: The Parts We Don't Talk About

As dog lovers and dog parents, there's a part of life with our dogs that we really don't want to talk about. But it is inevitable—the day we have to say goodbye.

I recently went through this with our dog, Harley, and I shared parts of the experience on my social media page. But it's now been 2 weeks since that day and there's so much more to say.

Unlike most of my other blog posts, this isn't an instructional post. I don't have the answers. I want to share some of the challenges that don't have easy solutions, starting with what it's like to watch a beloved dog go downhill.

Noticing Changes in Appetite and Energy

It's hard to explain what that experience is like. At first, it may be small things that you notice. Then you begin paying closer attention. Are they still comfortable? Are they enjoying the things they always loved? Are they having more good days than bad ones? You want to preserve their quality of life for as long as you can, but you're also watching carefully for signs that they may be suffering.

Harley rallied most days, still wanting to swim and play even though she was slowing down. But there were a few stretches throughout the summer where she lacked an appetite and seemed to be hurting. I started to see a look in her eyes like she was asking me for help. It's the same look she gave me when she tried climbing a steep hill and slipped down onto her hind end. She just sat there and waited for me to rescue her. She had that look in her eyes in her last few hours of life. To me, it said, "Help."

There came a point when we had to shorten her swim time, even when she wanted to keep going. She didn't understand why it was time to leave the lake so soon after we got there. It was heartbreaking but her body was simply no longer cooperating.

When Is the Right Time?

And then, of course, there is the biggest decision of all: when is the right time to say goodbye?

Often, there is not one clear answer. In our family, there were different opinions. How much medical intervention was the right amount? Was there something else we could try? Were we making the decision too soon? Or were we holding on because we simply weren't ready to let her go?

I think those differences of opinion can make an already difficult situation even harder. We all love our dog and want to do what's best.

Saying Goodbye

But the day to say goodbye did come and we all agreed. We all saw the look and could not ask her to keep struggling. We made arrangements with our vet to rest her on a blanket outside so she didn’t have the stress of going inside the office. Our whole family was there with her. Some people wanted to be right beside her, holding a paw or laying beside her. Others needed to keep a little distance because getting too close made the reality of what was coming harder to bear. None of it was wrong. We were simply grieving differently.

The Grieving Process

After Harley was gone, we came home and looked through pictures. Hundreds of them. We've sent two kids off to college during Harley's lifetime, and what did they ask for most while they were away? Pictures of Harley. So, as you can imagine, our phones are full of them. Looking through those pictures made us laugh and cry, often at the same time. Harley was there through so many different chapters of our family's life that looking at pictures of her was also looking back at our own lives.

Last Friday, August 28, we brought Harley's remains home. I almost didn't include that here because it feels so personal, and some may think it morbid. But when you’ve loved a dog for 14 years, their remains don’t seem morbid. I didn't think that having her remains was necessary but some member of our family wanted them so we knew it would be an important part of their grieving process. Now I'm so glad we have her. We have set up a little memorial on the shelf—a couple of her favorite toys, her collar, a bone, and the lovely carved wooden box holding her remains.

We realized an amazing coincidence when we looked at the calendar. Last Friday, August 26, was her Gotcha Day — the day we adopted her. 

On August 28, 2012, we brought Harley home for the first time. On August 28, 2026, we brought her home again.

I don't know what to make of that coincidence — it blows my mind. But it feels right. If you’re a person of faith (and I am), you might say it’s a God thing. When things seem too coincidental, it has to be His plan. Harley’s story with us began on this day, and in a different way, she came home to us again on the same day.

To anyone still reading this long story, thank you. I suspect you may know how this feels. Maybe you’ve loved a dog and had to say goodbye. I wrote this for my own healing and for anyone who can relate. I hope it helps.